Mitzvah

מצוה – Mitzvah.   I’ve been thinking about this term quite a lot lately.  Literally translated from Hebrew it means “commandment.”  Defining A Mitzvah is like defining pornography: “hard to describe, but I know it when I see it.”  It generally means a good deed or an act of unobligated kindness.    I’ve been thinking about it alot because I feel that I often do a Mitzvah thing or two during my week, but find that I am often surprised when I receive a Mitzvah.

My best friend (who you will come to hear alot about) is Pink Engineer.  When I first met her, Pink Engineer & I had NOTHING in common or so I thought.  She was Suzy Homemaker and she was a Civil Engineer  – who is she, Superwoman?    At the time, she LIVED by making spreadsheets.  She once made a spreadsheet to determine what state to move to and one of the columns was level of precipitation.  I kid you not.  Anyway, I met Pink Engineer in a Singles Sunday School class at Wieuca Baptist Church, so we were thrown together alot because of activities.  We went to the same Ladies Bible Study and were working on our golf games, so we started to go to the driving range together.   As I got to know her, I wasn’t sure that I liked her, but I could appreciate her.  We didn’t have much in common, except for our faith and belief in God.  I still believe that Pink Engineer is a Mitzvah from God and that He brought us together.

Over the years, Pink Engineer and I have been through everything together: 7 states, 2 husbands, 1 divorce, moving (Pink Engineer is really good at organizing a move with those spreadsheets and all), life, death, job loss, job promotions, country line dancing, tequila, communion, etc.  Throughout all of these life cycle events, Pink Engineer has blessed me with so many Mitzvahs that I can’t count them all.  Pink Engineer is the kind of girl who brings you a casserole just because.  She will also do the dishes if you let her stick around (her mama, Pink Teacher, raised her right and bought her an apron for the dish soap but that’s a whole other story).  I once called her from the grocery store because I was too poor to order takeout and I needed to know what I could cook for a week on $50.     To me, our relationship is just that a relationship.  We both give, we both take.  We never really thought of our acts as a Mitzvah until we both moved thousands of miles away from home.  During this time, our old crew of friends got married, had babies and forgot our phone numbers to a certain extent.  Pink Engineer & I really bonded because we were the only ones calling each other. When you’re far away from home and lonely, that phone call begins to make your life a little easier and helps you get through the day (or sometimes month).

Tonight I had a really long talk with Pink Engineer about my life.    I talked and talked and talked and she listened and listened and listened.    I have been struggling to complete a project on time (and it’s late by the way which is why Mr. Y is ticked off with me).  Mr. Y is coming home tomorrow and I want his arrival to be special (even more so since he’s ticked).  I had planned on getting the house ready and cooking his favorite meal, etc but I have all of this work to do for my project.  I was starting to get overwhelmed and Pink Engineer suggested that I work for an hour and then tidy up for a half hour.  Together, we prioritized everything that I had to get done and estimated how long it would take me to do it. (I underestimated significantly (and am writing this blog on one my “study” breaks”), but Pink Engineer’s suggestions helped tremendously.  When I told her that her idea was fantastic and asked if that’s how she did things, she said no, but she thought it would be good for me since I like to jump around alot.  I was astonished and wanted to buy her a BFF necklace right then.  Not only did she help me, she really thought about me as a person and helped me in the way that’s best for me.  It was a Mitzvah!

Now settle down, I know this isn’t exactly a mitzvah.  She didn’t bring a casserole just because and she certainly didn’t do my dishes, but Mr. Y is getting a pot roast and a clean kitchen out of it – so she not only helped me, she helped him!   I say this because it’s important to recognize that small acts can be Mitzvahs.  You don’t have to make a huge gesture to bank Mitzvah points.  (You really shouldn’t be banking your Mitzvahs anyway).  I have had so many small things happen this week that were blessings in my life: my call with Pink Engineer, an inspirational email from an old friend, 7 burly guys helping me move office and audio equipment, a friend loaning me her carpet cleaner.  You get the picture.

I have realized that when I take time to perform Mitzvahs, I get something out of it as well.  It makes me feel good to be there for someone.  I enjoy it as much as the person on the receiving end.  If you read my last post about Ahava (love) and giving oneself, you will realized that there isn’t much difference between love and a Mitzvah.   Lovingkindness is something we can all use more of each day.

My goal is to perform a Mitzvah each day.  Won’t you join me?

Shalom!

jls

Ahava – Love

The Hebrew word for love is which is pronounced Ahava.   I’ve been thinking alot today about Love.  Mr Y. is still in his native country and will be leaving tomorrow for a 26-hour journey home.   Of course, we had to get into an argument about something I neglected to do at work (Mr. Y & I own a business together), so he is angry with me.  It was an important task and I said I would do it.  I failed him, I failed myself and I failed my business (this is a little dramatic, but as a Jew-in-training, I’m allowed to practice a little drama).  However, even though Mr. Y is more than angry at me, he still said he loved me when we hung up the phone.   I was reading an article on Jewishmag.com (http://www.jewishmag.com/20mag/hebrew/hebrew.htm) about the meaning of love, Jewish-style.  The author of the article, Ahuva Bloomfield illustrates how giving and loving are very similar.

The Cliff Notes version of the article: When we give, we show our love.

As much as I hate to say it, Mr. Y giving me his anger is a way of showing me his love.  He is showing me that he loves me enough to be honest with me and make me accountable for my actions and words.   I could choose to be hateful, mean or angry back with him.  I could choose to be defensive.  However, I chose to be a lady and admit that I was wrong.  It doesn’t matter that I got a million important tasks accomplished today.  It is the one I said I would do and I didn’t do it.  I am now working to complete the task I said I would do because I gave my word..   In addition, I am going to make sure that Mr. Y comes home to a place of peacefulness and a new audio studio in our spare room.  He’s also going to come home to a good home-cooked meal and a yummy dessert.  That is my gift to him.  It’s my way of expressing how I love him.

This makes me think about my relationship with God.  God continually gives to me and what have I given back to Him?  I always say thank you when the blessings are pouring out, but do I choose to admit I am wrong when God corrects me?  Is the time I give to God spent in chaos or do I welcome him to my home full of serenity and peace?  I know this seems a little woo-woo (my choice of words for New Age or mystical), but it has really made me think.  I want to be more conscious of what I give of myself to God because that would be how I express my love to Him.

Last week I spoke to a bartender/lawyer friend of mine who lives in Chicago.  We were both working, it was early in the morning, but the difference is that my friend was working from his son’s hospital room.  His son had become ill from an infection (as kids do) and had a reaction to one of his prescriptions.   When I reconnected with my friend this week, our discussion led to the death of a mutual friend’s child who wasn’t even a year old.  Bartender/Lawyer said that learning of our friend’s child’s death had really affected him and that he gave his kids an extra hug before he left to go on a business trip this week.

We work in a very busy, crazy industry.  Bartender/Lawyer is writing an article about the 7 habits of successful people in our business.  We were joking that the 7th habit is “working your ass off,” and unfortunately, it is right.  In my industry, it is common and expected that we work around the clock as necessary.  This takes up precious time that we could be giving to our families, our shul and to God.   I am personally examining areas of my life where I can give more to those who really matter to me and to those who matter to God (fyi- EVERYONE matters to my God).  This may mean giving more money to charity, giving more of my time, or giving more presence while I am doing my daily tasks or speaking to someone.  I truly want everyone to feel love or ahava upon meeting me (or even those merely observing me).

One of my favorite quotes is from Carly Fiorina’s autobiography: “What we are is God’s gift to us, what we become is our gift to God.”  If you take out the word gift and exchange it with love the quote would be “What we are is God’s love to us, what we become is our love to God.”

What will you become by showing and practicing Ahava to God (and others) today?

Shalom,

JLS

Happy Purim

Today began the first day of Purim (the celebration of the Jew being delivered out of the hand of Haman thanks to Esther) Read more at http://www.chiff.com/home_life/holiday/purim.htm  My first thoughts about this is that, man the Jews sure are persecuted an awful lot.   If their not running from one guy, they’re running from another.  Then there was the walk in the desert for 40 years, but we’ll talk about that another time.

Anyway, so back to Purim being a festival.  This is a fun time of year.  Many shuls (temples, synagogues, etc) will hold a ball or a gala to celebrate.  One thing that I absolutely love is a yummy pastry called Hamantaschen – essentially it’s a very sweet cookie filled with something – my favorite is apricot.      There is also a tradition of giving out Mishloach manot  which translated means the sending of portions.  Typically you give out baskets of ready to eat goodies to friends and family.   I just recently learned about Purim, so I didn’t have the chance to prepare anything to give out.

However, as I went through my day I realized that over the weekend I had given out a portion of myself and that others had given me a portion of themselves.  For example, on Friday night, Cantor K and his wife hosted me for Shabbat dinner.  I had a wonderful time, made new friends and learned about how other families celebrate Shabbat.    I took a yoga class this morning and the instructor took time after the class to talk to me about my practice and what I had done right.  It made me feel good and wanted to go back to yoga tomorrow!  Then later I got a massage and the masseuse said “Happy Purim.”  I was wondering how she knew I was a semi-Jew when she mentioned that she loved my Magen David (Star of David).  As she performed the massage, she talked to me about my faith and where I go to shul.  I told her about our shul and encouraged her to attend as well.  She was asking ME questions and she was the “official” jew.  It made me feel good to help.    Then later I received a phone call from a lady named Marjorie.  I met Marjorie at shul the Friday after my grandfather’s death.  She had just lost her father (on the same exact day) and we bonded through our grief.  When she called today, it was unexpected and yet a blessing.   Mr Y has been visiting his native country and I have been getting a little lonely this week, so Marjorie’s call was a welcome surprise.  She is a lovely lady and we had a very sweet chat.

After we hung up, I realized that there is a little bit of Mishloach manot in all of us.  What portions of ourselves we send out into the world is our choice.   I personally want my portion to be a light to anyone who sees it.  I realized if  I could just brighten one person’s life everyday, then that’s almost 4,000 people over the next 10 years.   What portion are you sending out today?

Shalom!

JLS